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25 Wooden Hangers

I’ve done it before. Once, when i was about 30 lbs heavier than I am now, i took the advice from “What Not To Wear” to heart and purged my closet of anything that didn’t fit. I was cold, and heartless, and incredibly honest with myself. I figured, “If i lose enough weight to be able to wear this again someday, i deserve to buy myself something new.”

Right now, I’m neither fat nor in possession of a wardrobe full of busted clothes. I don’t have a bunch of broken zippers or moth holes, I don’t even have a huge number of items that I don’t wear. At a glance, pretty much everything on my clothes rack has been worn in the last few months. There’s just too many of them. It makes deciding what to wear each morning a pain. Like a menu in a restaurant, too many options paralyzes me with indecision.

So here I am. I am ready to do something about it. That something is 25 Wooden Hangers.

I have a collection of really nice, sturdy wooden hangers scattered through my wardrobe. It’s time to let them shine, to give my clothes the hangers they deserve and clear the clutter of a thoroughly overburdened closet.

The Big Goal: Clear out my closet so all that remains are garments on my 25 wooden hangers

The Fine Print: I have two closets, separated by seasonality. Upstairs, my garment rack is currently filled with dark colors, sweaters, long-sleeves. In other words, clothes fit for cool weather. The downstairs closet has lightweight cottons, sleeveless dresses, and bright colors. I switch the clothes sometime in the Fall and Spring. Each set of warm/cool weather clothes will not exceed the 25 Wooden Hangers.

The Exceptions: I have a tiered skirt hanger that holds 5 skirts, I will be keeping that.
There is a metal tie hanger that I use to hang up my belts and a wooden hanger with holes in it used for storing scarves, i’ll be keeping those as well. Very technically speaking, this project is more like “25 Wooden Hangers plus a few extra things for good measure.”

What This is Not: I’m not trying to bring my entire wardrobe down to 25 pieces. Obviously. I still have a dresser with jeans, t-shirts, workout gear, etc. This is a step on the path towards simplifying and organizing my life.

The Rules:
If I haven’t worn it in the last year, it automatically goes.
If it doesn’t fit, either too small or too large, it goes.
If I question whether it looks good or not, I’ll post a picture on Facebook and let the interwebs decide.
If I want to keep it but it needs repair of some kind (broken zipper, hem, hole), I will fix it immediately and hold its empty hanger until it comes back.

Basically, i’m going by this flowchart of how to Unfuck Your Closet:
unfuck closet

Let the games begin.

Booty Shakin'

There's this thing happening on the internet right now where everyone's either cranky about or empowered by Frozen's Elsa busting out of her gloves and owning her powers (and sexiness? I dunno) and then catwalking around her own castle in a slinky gown with a slit up the leg. People, IT'S HER OWN CASTLE. She gets to be WHOMEVER SHE WANTS TO BE in HER OWN CASTLE.

But, whatevs, right?

Last night, as I was playing 'Let It Go' on the stereo, Semra starts catwalking through the house. Now...she's 5. 5 year olds are not know for their hip-swaying prowess. While she was quite convinced that she looked like this:

The reality is much closer to this:

Except stompier. She stomp-swayed through the house, belting out her mashed up 'Let It Go' lyrics at the top of her lungs and I endeavored to keep a straight face since I want to encourage her love of music, theatrics, and a model walk that Tyra would be appalled by.


Silver Linings part I - Running

One of the beautiful things about not working is that I can go out to run anytime I damn well please. 8 miles at 11:30 am? You betcha! 2 miles at midnight because, hell, I don't need to wake up in the morning? Sure! Rolling out of bed and popping out a lazy 4 miles? No problem!  

Perhaps I exaggerate on the different situations in which I run. Typically it's working out to be between 11:30 and 2 pm and between 3 - 8 miles. But the freedom with which i can embark on the runs, without having to worry about when to be back or who might be judging me for being gone for so damn long. At Shelf Awareness I was able to get out for my lunch hour everyday and churn out a few miles but between changing into workout clothes, running, meeting my blue-eyed man, scarfing down lunch, and changing back out of workout clothes my actual running time was limited to about 30 minutes.

I am, if nothing else, a slow runner. At my best (sustainable) speed I run a 9:30 mile but typically it's more like 10:45 which meant that my lunchtime downtown runs were always crunched. It's no good for trying to build up distance. 

I can hear you saying "just run first thing in the morning" to which I'd like to tell you to STFU. There are few things in life more precious to me than lounging in bed and the thought of tearing myself from the warm embrace of 400 thread-count cotton and my shirtless man in order to sweat all over myself sounds appallingly foolish. Order of the day: Wake, lounge, direct my daughter to make the coffee (THIS is why people breed), drink coffee in bed, then slowly pull myself to standing whereupon I stumble onto the deck to enjoy my second cup of child-made coffee and bask in the terrifying height of my tomato plants. Even when I was working that's about how the morning played out, we just had to make sure we set the alarm early enough to have time for the whole ritual.

I run best after I've had coffee, breakfast, and time to digest that breakfast. Or, better yet, after I've breakfasted and lunched and so have an abundance of calories to power me through. Which is why unemployment agrees with me so well in this regard. I typically don't even shower until 3 pm! That's so effing gross! That's so effing AWESOME! But still, i'm willing to trade this filth and lackadaisical running schedule for something more regimented in deference to gainful employment. But it would be with a sigh and longing glance back....


Here, in what I hope will be a limited exercise, I shall attempt a daily post of the silver linings of being a shiftless layabout, aka, unemployed.

About 3 weeks ago, or was it four? I was "let go" from my relatively new job at Shelf Awareness. As Sales Associate my job was to reach out to the smaller publishers and non-traditional accounts to get them to buy ads. Unsurprisingly it's the smaller publishers and companies that haven't worked with Shelf Awareness before that don't have large budgets to spend on advertising. I was viewing my work with them to be more like relationship building. Earning trust and respect in a slow burn up to getting them to become regular, if necessarily smaller, advertising customers. I was also put in charge of growing the new consumer version of our newsletter by signing up bookstores to send it out to their customers in exchange for their complete email lists. On that front I was successful more or less from the start growing our reach by 600%. On the ad sales front, not so much. At least not in the 4.5 months that I was selling ads.

At the end of June I was let go from my job and a company that I truly love and believe in. The work that Shelf Awareness does to keep books, bookselling, and publishing alive and relevant is incredible and, as a lover of books and a former bookseller, I appreciate their work more than words can say. Being forced to depart their employ after so short a time stung. In fact, it hurt like a son-of-a-bitch. 

But now, in a silver-linings frame of mind, I am enjoying a glorious summer vacation. True i'm scouring the vast interwebs for job postings and shining up my resume and cover letters but I'm also able to sleep in (till the luxurious hour of 8 am some days!), run, get projects done, and generally relax into slow, warm rhythm of summertime. This is not a permanent place for me. I grow too restless with "nothing" to do and there are bills to be paid and medical insurance to be had. And that's all saying nothing about the desire to have a career that fulfills both my drive for success and pays in a way that I think behooves my skill, talent, and charm.

Tomorrow, the first of the Silver Linings series! 


Uh...hey y'all. Long time no see. Does anyone even hang out here any more? 

Bullet Points

Been a while, eh? I don't know if i'm back on a regular posting-type basis, darn FB occupies my internet time and life, sweet, rich, maddening life occupies the rest. But i thought it'd be good to dip my little toe back into the LJ waters. 
Let me tell you a little bit about me:

- I walk really fast. I walk faster than someone with a 26 inch inseam has any right to walk. Chances are, if you and I are walking somewhere, i will beat you there with time for me to browse artisan breads and buy you a coffee. Boo ya.

- I compare myself to every female i see. I rank myself and everyone on some non-existent scale. This is not fair. Not to me or to the poor people who are beign ranked alongside me.

--- Related to ^ : I am constantly trying to find my body in the women who populate the world around me. I know what i look like but i can't accurately make any kind of objective observance of it so i try to find my "body twin" where ever i go and i ask the people i'm with "do i look like that?" I find that i'm often wrong when i think i've found someone who is shaped like me. Body dysmorphia much?

- Sour cream mixed with Brown Sugar is possibly the best compound food item ever. Ostensibly it's best for eating as a dip with strawberries or blueberries but it also works beautifully as an ice cream or, my personal favorite, on a spoon. Alone. Get away, you can't have any, it's mine.

- My knee is fucked up. I need to go to the doctor and have it looked at but i know that he's going to say i should stay off it for "x" number of weeks and, i'll be honest, i have things to do that in those "x" weeks that require the use of both my legs. Sigh. I'll likely regret this later.

75- I can't wear Cloche hats. I've always just guessed that it's because my head is pretty freaking large but i think it must have to do with mygeneral face shape as well. I regret this fact very much because, hot damn, cloches are cute. With my head size i think i'm probably better suited for Rice Paddy hats.

- I play smarter than i am. I talk smart and i have a LOT of random little facts floating around my head and I have a good vocabulary but if you scrape the surface you'll find that, really, i'm about as dumb as a box of rocks. A box of well spoken, moderately articulate rocks. Sure, i listen to NPR...sometimes. And I read the New York Times...okay, i skim the headlines but only read the articles about what ScarJo wore to the Tony Awards or the Kitten that reunited lost lovers in Iran. Try to engage me in a discussion about politics or even (shamefully) literature and i turn into the smiling, nodding, "oh-that's-interesting"-ing fool that i really am. I keep thinking that i should actually start READING the NYT or giving a damn about what's actually said on NPR instead of flipping over to my iPod when it's not CarTalk or The Splendid Table.

- I've never seen a Woody Allen film. I've never see "Fast Times at Ridgemont High". Although i watched "The Godfather" i missed the last 10 minutes because i fell asleep due to the fact that that film is like 6,097,142 hours long. I dislike most Mel Brooks movies. I have an abiding fondness for a wretched made for TV Disney flick called "The Girl Who Spelled Freedom". I've never seen all of "Blade Runner". I tried for a long time to dislike Cameron Diaz. I failed. I can, and have, watched "A Christmas Story" on endless repeat for 24 hours. 

- My post-baby belly is a source of endless...something for me. The words i could insert: shame, annoyance, pride, floopiness, embarrassment, empowerment, meh-ness, inspiration, etc., etc., etc....
- Hey. Guess what? Chicken Butt. Hah. Still funny.


Just another Friday

Seattle sunshine is making it's return and I couldn't be happier. Took a walk to the market with AJ today, bothered badrobot68 , got famous on the internets, didn't get stabbed, and i bought a pocketful of dreams.

All that should mitigate the clothes dryer full of rocks that is my brain right now.

Peace and love to you my darling LJ, i've missed you.

Small World

I just ran into the indomitable alexjon  in my very own office! Apparently he's temping for my new company for a few weeks. You know what this means? Harassment of badrobot68 is in the very near future. 

2 months later

 I'm happy.

Really, amazingly, blissfully happy. I don't write in my liveournal mostly because i don't have time to ponder deep thoughts, rather i'm living my life one moment at a time, soaking in almost unbearable joy of being loved, desired, taken care of, and discovering new horizons.

I love my life.

Are things perfect? No. That would mean that there was no room for improvement, no bar to reach for. I still have some sadness around Silas and that things had to go the way did but he's moving forward with his life even as i plunge forward with mine. I don't run as much as i'd like (or hardly at all, really), and my second-hand mattress is a bit lumpy. But, for God's sake, if that's what i have to complain about, i'm in pretty great shape.

I'll say it again, I love my life. 


If i saw this chucklehead at any state campground i think i'd walk over to him, unzip his sleeping bag/snuggie/parka/retard machine and kick him in the nuts.

I'm just sayin'.


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