When i was younger (and i still do this i suppose) i would sometimes be startled by realizing that all the people around me: the other kids in my class, the random shoppers in the mall, all the other drivers on the freeway, were thinking, feeling beings, wrapped up in their own internal worlds and dramas and i was nothing but noise on their radars. Though i was the most central figure in my head, in theirs i was nothing more than a speck. And even with people who are close to me, whom i love, i have to consciously remind myself that their experience of the world and of me is different than my experience. It kind of blows my mind sometimes.
When waiters do things like forget my iced tea it's easy, because of course i am the center of the universe, to assume that they're doing this on purpose because she doesn't like my shoes or thinks i'm being jerk. But if i pull it back and remember that THEY'RE the center of their OWN universe it becomes clear that they're lost in their own personal drama of too many customers, thinking about the late phone bill, how her bra strap is digging into her ribcage, and the lousy tip the person at table 24 left because she [the waitress] must have done something wrong. While the lousy tipper at table 24 left a lousy tip not because he thought she was a crummy waitress (he barely spared a thought for her because he was lost in HIS own universe) but rather because he only had a single one dollar bill after his change and didn't want to feel like a schmuck for getting change for a twenty. Ultimately, we're all just bumbling along, trying to get through life as best we can and we just happen to intersect these other universes.
We're all existentially alone. We operate in these bubbles thinking that OUR experience is the most important (and it is, it's YOUR experience after all) but what you have to remember is that EVERYONE thinks their experience is the most important. And by "important" i mean i don't mean prize-winning or world-changing but it's the only experience you have, the only way of seeing the world as it lays out before you. You have to make yourself the star of the show.
What's shocking is when another universe crashes into yours. When you're able to, for even just an instant, see completely from their point of view. Suddenly you can take on the burden of their lives and you see that we're all seeing and living the world our own very unique ways. It can be especially jarring when you can see the direct influence you have on someone else's universe and you can feel the pain or the joy that the proximity of your universe is causing.
Random, rambling thoughts. Such is me. Such am I. Cogito ergo sum.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how we view the world as individuals. Humans are, by nature i think, a pretty selfish lot. People say "how can you be so selfish?" and i have to think "how can i not?" I think therefore i am. Therefore i am the star of my show. The center of my own universe.